“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

What does this quote have to do with being healthier?  What does it have to do with releasing weight?  How can this help me exercise?  Feel better? Make healthy choices?

Friends it has EVERYTHING to do with it!!  You can say you love yourself but if you are knowingly doing things that are harmful to your body, especially when you acknowledge it is a temple, you are dimming your light.

I’ve done it many times in many ways. I didn’t want to come off as conceded or arrogant.  I wanted to be liked and accepted very badly.  My insecurities attracted drama and negative energies.  I tried to cover it up with my “I ain’t scared of you” outwardly fictitious boldness, but internally there was an authentically wounded little girl.

I brought all that cockiness to my marriage too.  (Lord have mercy.)  Overtime, there was so much anger and resentment between the two of us, I slowly became exposed; to myself and to my husband.  Unconsciously, he had to be thinking, “I never thought she would put up with this b.s.”

We grew further and further apart.  I had 3 little kids and I found myself accepting behavior I would of never thought I would.  Hey, I was repeating some of the patterns of my childhood; maybe not physically, but certainly mentally.

Thank God I had a praying mother! And grandmother!  And great-grandmother!  And generations of mothers from long ago who prayed for me!

You have them too!  Mommas! And Aunties!  And surrogate mothers!  And friends!  And me! – Somebody prayed for you!  … Is praying for you!

One day, after many, many days, I got up the strength to let go of it all.  I turned it over to Jesus.  (I’m not pushing my religion on you now.  I’m just telling you what I did.)  I told Him I surrender!  I told him I trusted Him NO MATTER What!  I believed He would take care of me and my babies and we would be o.k.

That began a LONG, LONG journey.  In my case, my marriage survived.  That was my hearts desire.  I believed it could be so, but I had to walk in faith, when it looked like there was no way it would work.  I knew there was no more trying to control things, no more manipulating, no trying to figure it out, no searching for the perfect thing to say that would change everything.  There was no more looking for someone to speak on my behalf, and no more blaming my husband for our situation, even though there was a crowd of spectators justifying my doing so.  Nope.  God told me to work on me and my relationship with Him.

So, I sought the healthiest relationships possible.  I read uplifting and healing truths and stories of the bible.  I read personal development books.  God put the right people in my path at the right time.  Some I knew personally, others I have never met at all.  I hung around women who would uplift me and nurture me.  Most of them were much older women who would not tolerate my bashing of anyone or complaining.  They hugged me mostly and pointed me to the word.  Many of them had their own challenges too.  They are not perfect either, none of us are, but pointed me to the One who is.

In my case, God restored our marriage.  My husband totally supports me being me and does not try to dim my light.  I am healthier everyday.  I have slowly given up habits that do not serve my mind, my body, or my spirit.

I share with you and encourage you to do the same.  It is a process.  We must support one another in this journey.  My late pastor once said to me, if a candle lights another candle, it does not diminish the light of the candle.  It can light many candles, and it will shine just as bright.