Growing up with the duality of being a loving Christian who turned the other cheek (Dr. Martin L. King, Jr.) and being a warrior who is ready to fight ANYONE who disrespects me or mine (early Malcolm X), I struggled internally with how to be both in one body.
When my mother smiled and did her best to go on in the face of adversity, I thought she was being a doormat. That would not be me!!! Yet, I often felt like one. Other times, I would give the person on the other end of the phone, or the family member who needed my knowledge, a piece of my mind; I mean, I was only telling the truth. I was a master at kicking someone in the stomach with my words.
Either way I felt horrible. Deep down, I knew neither way was authentically me; my true self. Overtime, I realized that the answers would come because I was seeking them.
God is so faithful! Just has He promises, He has shown me how my true authentic nature is cohesively both love and strength; but not as I had defined it at all. Being loving is not being a doormat. Neither is being a warrior, hurting others because or before they hurt you. I no longer feel like it is fake or weak to have peace in adversity. There is much of me that remains peaceful, trusting, and believing REGARDLESS of what the situation looks like. My fight is no longer the same, because I have compassion and empathy for others as I try to see through their eyes.
I’ve learned that “Meekness is not Weakness”, but rather “Strength Under Control.”